DANGER CLAM! | The Official Retro Flux TV Muscle Tank | Bella+Canvas
The Retro Flux TV Muscle Tank
There was a time when humanity looked at the universe and wondered whether we were alone. After closer inspection, the answer appears to be yes, and frankly, the rest of the universe probably saw what we were doing and decided to stay the fuck away. We invented medicine, electricity, computers and space travel. We also invented meetings that could have been emails, inspirational mugs and people who say “live, laugh, love” without immediately bursting into flames. If this is what evolution was working toward, somebody needs to explain where the fucking quality control went.
And then there's you. A magnificent little consequence of several billion years of biological trial and error. You've made mistakes. Lots of them. Some were innocent, some were spectacular, and some involved alcohol, questionable judgment and somebody whose name you probably shouldn't Google anymore. You've trusted people who couldn't be trusted to hold your drink while you tied your shoe. You've ignored obvious warning signs because apparently your survival instinct occasionally takes a fucking lunch break. You've embarrassed yourself, disappointed yourself and probably disappointed other people too, although frankly, that's their burden to carry. Eventually you realize that becoming a better person is exhausting, and you're not entirely convinced the people around you deserve the upgrade anyway. So now you're settling for being a slightly more self-aware asshole. That's progress.
The Retro Flux TV Muscle Tank is for anyone who's stopped expecting humanity to get its shit together. You've watched people destroy perfectly good relationships over ego, ruin friendships over money, start wars over geography and spend hours arguing with complete strangers online because someone used the wrong punctuation. We're a fascinating species, mostly in the same way a dumpster fire is fascinating. You've learned that adulthood isn't actually knowing what you're doing. It's making increasingly expensive mistakes while maintaining the facial expression of someone who absolutely meant to do that. You've learned that karma doesn't always work, closure is frequently bullshit, and “everything happens for a reason” is generally what someone says when they don't have a fucking clue what happened. You don't need enlightenment. You need a drink, a sense of humour and approximately twelve consecutive hours without anyone asking you to solve their fucking problems.
But despite everything, you're still here. Still breathing. Still making questionable decisions. Still occasionally pretending you know where your life is going. That's the funny part. Nobody fucking knows. We're all improvising. Some people just have better lighting and fewer visible criminal records. So laugh at yourself. Laugh at humanity. Laugh at the complete fucking absurdity of spending your limited time on Earth worrying about whether some asshole you've never met approves of you. They don't. You probably don't either. Excellent. That's one less relationship to maintain.
Eventually, the whole ridiculous circus ends. The bills stop. The arguments stop. The bullshit stops. You stop. Until then, you might as well enjoy being the beautifully defective biological accident that you are. Make the inappropriate joke. Have the filthy thought. Make the bad decision. You've survived your previous ones. Mostly. Humanity is fucked. You're fucked. I'm fucked. At least we're having a laugh before the inevitable administrative paperwork.
More details
- 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton
- Lightweight fabric (4.2 oz)
- Relaxed fit
EU GPSR Product Information:
- Manufacturer contact information
- Name: Solitary Isles
- Email: contact@support.solitaryisles.com
- Postal address: PO Box 5696 Santa Monica, CA 90405
- Additional information: This product is made for adults. Meets the flammability level requirements. 2 year warranty in EEA and UK, established by Directive 1999/44/EC.
Quality Guarantee & Returns
- Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
- Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.
DANGER CLAM! | The Official Retro Flux TV Muscle Tank | Bella+Canvas Size Guide
| Size label | Length | Width |
|---|---|---|
|
S
|
26
|
18
|
|
M
|
27
|
20
|
|
L
|
28
|
21.63
|
|
XL
|
29
|
23.63
|
|
2XL
|
30
|
25.63
|
